Brokenhearted
by Kelly of the midnight dawn
Summary: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." A tragic event and a night from hell bring Elliot and Olivia closer together, in spite of Olivia's efforts to runaway. EO
1. Chapter 1: Something's Wrong

**Brokenhearted**

**Chapter 1: Something's Wrong**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own them but it is my life's ambition.**

**A/N: I refuse to acknowledge Dani Beck's existence. So with that in mind, here's a story that has one of the oldest plots but I promise it's good. It has some twists and turns and it is devoid of frizzy haired, mumbling, pain in the ass bitches who steel men who they never would have a chance with if they didn't trick them like the whores they are. Okay that's enough of my rambling. The timeline for this is if season eight started and Olivia didn't have to leave to go undercover, if that makes any sense to anyone and now on to the story.**

She strode in, placing her bag on the table she turned to Elliot. She glared through him as if she could read his mind. She took her seat and turned her attention immediately to paperwork.

Elliot watched her with interest and just a little bit of fear. Olivia was definitely in a mood and a wrong move now could get him a pen thrown at his head or something… bigger. He decided to take a chance. He leaned forward and spoke softly "Good morning Liv," he began. When she didn't bother to look up and didn't even seem to react at all he asked "Is everything okay?"

She looked up then and made direct eye contact "I'm fine," she told him firmly. Then with a pointed glance in the direction of the clock on the wall she added "I have to be at court in ten minutes. See ya," and with that she was gone.

Elliot watched her leave, mentally chastising himself when his gaze rested probably too long on her ass, before turning back to the papers on his desk. He couldn't help wondering what was wrong with her this morning. She had her days and bad moods just like any human being but she was never so short with him. He was broken from his thoughts when they were vocalized for him by the other two occupants of the squad room.

"What do you think is up with Olivia this morning?" Fin asked as he leaned back in his desk chair.

"Maybe she's been brainwashed by the government," Munch suggested "Or maybe, it's just her time of the month."

"That is incredibly sexist man," Fin retorted "If I ever doubted why you couldn't hold down a marriage, I don't anymore."

"What?" Munch protested "I'm only saying that it could be her time of the month."

"That is really a sexist thing to say John," Elliot put in. Whether it was her time of the month or not Olivia had never acted like that unless something was very wrong.

"Everyone's against me," Munch threw up his hands.

"We aren't against you man," Fin corrected "We're against your sexist way of thinking."

Elliot nodded but his mind was somewhere else. He would have to ask her when she got back from court, why she had such a rotten attitude today.

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Olivia sat on the witness stand, giving her testimony against Robby Wilson. The guy was a real sick freak and Olivia was really hoping that the jury would convict. The evidence against Wilson was overwhelming. Olivia pushed all other thoughts out of her mind as she spoke "When we arrested the defendant, he confessed to the murder of his wife Valerie Wilson and the couple's two children."

"Detective Benson," Casey began "Was the defendant properly advised of his rights before he confessed?"

"Objection your honor," defense council rose almost too eagerly "Alleged confession."

"Fine," Casey grumbled as the judge ruled to sustain the objection. She took a deep breath in an effort to calm the part of her that wanted to jump over the defense table and rip Stewart Mill's head off. She hated this particular lawyer more than any other and she had to get past that anger if she had a prayer of winning this case "Was the defendant properly advised of his rights before he ALLEGEDLY confessed?"

"Yes," Olivia answered firmly "He was."

"And at anytime Detective," Casey stole a glance in Mill's direction "Did the defendant ask for a lawyer."

"No, he explicitly told my partner and I that he didn't want or require a lawyer," Olivia told Casey.

"Thank you Detective," Casey turned her attention to the judge "No further questions your honor," Casey walked perhaps a step too close to Stewart Mill as she curtly whispered to him "Your witness."

Mill approached the witness stand. He stared Olivia down coldly, trying to shake her resolve. He knew exactly how he would do that too. He cleared his throat "Detective Benson," he began "You testified that you advised my client of his rights."

"That's correct," Olivia told him. She felt unsettled by this man and she knew that she couldn't afford to be unsettled, not now, not after last night.

"Was it you who advised him or did your partner?" Mill asked.

"Objection," Casey stood to her feet "Relevance."

"Your honor," Mill protested "I'm trying to prove that my client's rights were violated."

"Yes," the judge agreed "But I don't see the relevance in which officer read him his rights when he was taken into custody."

Mill muttered something before continuing. Questions about Benson's partner were out until he could establish a reason for asking them "Why did you go to the defendant's house Detective?"

"We had gotten the DNA back from Valerie's rape kit and it was a match to the defendant. My partner Detective Stabler and I went to his residence where we found him loading bags into the back of his car. We arrested him and upon searching his person at the station, we found that he had a one way plane ticket to Brazil."

"So your lab found my client's seamen in his wife?" Mill asked, his voice dripping with skepticism.

"Marriage does not prove consent," Olivia spoke beyond Mill and directly to the jury "Vaginal trauma points more to rape than to consensual sex."

Mill continued undaunted "Assuming that my client did have nonconsensual sex with his wife," he emphasized the word nonconsensual and turned slightly in the direction of the jury as he said it "How does that prove that he murdered anyone?"

"It doesn't," Olivia answered truthfully "He was originally only arrested for Valerie's rape. It was only after he was in custody that he confessed to the murders."

"At what point did he confess?" Mill had a smug look on his face. He leaned forward so slightly that it was barely noticeable.

"During the subsequent interrogation," Olivia knew that they were headed into rocky territory and she tried to calm herself. She wasn't up for this. She shouldn't have come to work today. If it hadn't been for this prick that she needed to testify against, she'd still be locked in her apartment right at that moment.

"And who was conducting this 'interrogation'?" Mill knew that he was getting to the nerve and he was leaning on it as heavily as he could.

"My partner and I," Olivia answered succinctly.

"Your partner," Mill repeated "Tell me Detective Benson, your partner, has he been known to get… shall we say… overzealous in cases involving children?"

"Wouldn't you?" Olivia countered before Casey could make her objection fully. Olivia knew that she was beginning to lose it and didn't need Casey's stare to remind her. Olivia cleared her throat and amended her statement "We've all been known to get a little ahead of ourselves at one time or another but this was not one of those occasions,"_ Swing and a miss Olivia, way to go._

"And you are an expert on when your partner becomes overly aggressive during an interrogation?" Mill asked smugly.

_Yes I am._

"Objection," Casey stood up and managed to get the word out before Olivia said anything this time.

"Mr. Mill," the judge said, exasperated "Is this going anywhere?"

"Yes," Mill answered the judge before turning back to Olivia "Detective Benson, has your partner ever forced a confession from anyone?"

"No," Olivia answered "Never."

"Have you?"

"Objection," Casey was starting to wonder why she even bothered to sit down "Your honor, he's badgering the witness."

Olivia didn't wait for the judge to say anything. She had lost control. She could see Wilson staring her down from where he sat "No one forced him to confess," she wanted to run out of the courtroom but she was affectively Mill's hostage until he finished questioning her.

Mill's lips curled slightly at the edges into a small smile that was truly gruesome on the face of the man "Do you have anything against my client Detective?"

"No more than I have against any other murderer," Olivia answered and instantly knew that that was the wrong thing to say.

"So you believe that my client murdered his family?"

"Yes," she wanted to get out of there. She wanted Mill to be done asking questions so she could leave. She couldn't take this anymore. She couldn't stand to have all these people looking at her. She knew that they could tell.

"Isn't it true that you and your partner pursued my client, relentlessly until you got the evidence you needed to force a confession from him?!" Mill screamed at the woman who he could tell was emotionally unstable at this moment.

"No it is not," Olivia fought to keep her voice even.

"Your honor," Casey protested.

The judge looked beside him at Olivia who had become very pale "Mr. Mill," he addressed the attorney "Discontinue this line of questioning immediately."

"No further questions," Mill smiled, knowing that Olivia's performance planted the seed of doubt in the jury's minds.

"The witness may step down," the judge said and Olivia tore out of the room like a bat out of hell.

Olivia didn't even notice Casey's attempt to whisper 'Good job' in her ear as she brushed past. She ran straight to the ladies room and collapsed against the wall. She didn't need this. And now the jury thought that Elliot had forced Wilson to confess. Damn she had messed that case up in all of two seconds. She finally managed to gain a tentative composure and pushed off from the wall. She headed out to her car and got in. She drove around Manhattan for a while, wondering what she should do next about all of this.

Last night had destroyed her. That man had obliterated everything she had tried to be. She hadn't been strong enough to stop him and now she wasn't strong enough to do anything about it. He had stayed behind her the whole time. His voice had been low and raspy, almost inhuman. She had cried that night. She waited a full two hours before she had calmed down enough to drive herself to the hospital to get a rape kit done. She had nearly lost it at the front desk. She needed to show them her badge and beg the nurse who did the kit not to report it to the police.

Of all the horrible cosmic coincidences, who should have been the nurse to do the rape kit but Kathy Stabler. Kathy had tried so hard to get Olivia to tell Elliot about the rape. Olivia had begged Kathy to keep quiet, she had literally begged her. Olivia had broken down once again, saying that she couldn't stand to tell the people that she had to face every day. Kathy had sat with her and held her and let her cry all her frustration and fear out. Afterwards, Kathy had made one last ditch attempt and asked Olivia if she wanted her to call Elliot to come take her home. Olivia had managed to convince Kathy that she was fine but when she got home, she spent the rest of the night sitting bolt upright on her couch with her gun nearby.

Olivia finally pulled up in front of her apartment building. She searched for a parking place on the street; there was no way that she was ever going back inside the parking garage. She got out and nearly ran inside her building. She reached her apartment and opened the door. She walked to the answering machine and saw that she had four new messages. She sighed heavily and slumped down onto the couch pushing the button on the machine.

_Beep…_ "Olivia its Casey," Olivia groaned, not wanting to hear about what happened after she had left the courthouse but knowing that she would find out one way or another "You seemed out of it today. Are you feeling all right?" _No!_ Olivia screamed in her head _I'm not all right!_ The message continued "Mill wants to call Elliot as a witness," _Great more good news_ "He's gonna tare him apart," _Of course he is_ "It would be good if you could be there for moral support," Why would Elliot need her for moral support? Still Olivia knew that she would be there. She was the reason that Mill was calling Elliot in the first place. If she had been able to hold it together up there, Mill wouldn't have planted the doubt that gave him the grounds to get Elliot as a witness "It's tomorrow at 9:00," Casey informed her "And Olivia," the tone became one of concern similar to the tone at the beginning of the message "If you need to talk about anything… I'm always here."

Olivia sank further into the couch cushions and pulled her knees to her chest. Was it really that obvious? She had learned to mask many things over the years. For instance no one could tell that she hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. But somehow shame, hurt and sorrow always made it through her façade and right now, she was feeling all three. She closed her eyes as the next message began.

_Beep…_ "Olivia its Kathy Stabler," Olivia felt the sudden urge to skip over the message. She knew that there was only one reason why Kathy was calling now and Olivia didn't need to be pushed in that direction. She knew that she'd have to report the rape sooner or later. She just couldn't, not yet. When she reported it, everyone would see her differently. She wouldn't have the same rights to privacy that civilian rape victims usually got. Her case would be highly publicized. She could picture the headlines at that very moment **_"SVU cop becomes victim"_** she wouldn't be able to walk down the street without the ridicule shouted from every street corner in her direction. "I just wanted to check in on you," _Do you do this for all the women you perform rape kits on?_ Olivia thought sarcastically, "You've always been…" Kathy paused "Well like family to us… the kids and Elliot. Elliot really cares about you; I think you should tell him. He'd want to know. Just think about what I said okay? Bye," the message ended.

Olivia could tell how awkward it had been for Kathy to leave that message. She really appreciated that Kathy cared but really, when she decided to tell Elliot was her business and hers alone. Olivia was already thinking of ways to perhaps sneak over to Brooklyn and report the rape to the SVU squad there. It would somehow be easier to tell people who she didn't know personally and on another level it would be just as humiliating. She crossed her legs and reached for a throw pillow. She rammed a frustrated fist into it before hugging it to her chest.

_Beep…_ "Liv it's me," the next message was from Elliot "Are you feeling okay?" _No!_ She punched the pillow again, wishing that she could tell him about the rape without him seeing her differently "You were acting kind of strange this morning and Casey told me about what happened in court," _Damn that blabbermouth read headed attorney_ "Don't let Mill get under your skin," she knew that. She knew not to let the defense make her sweat but she couldn't help it today. She wished to God that she could have. "I'm testifying tomorrow," Olivia braced herself for the blame that he would place on her but it never came "Afterwards maybe we could go out and grab a drink," was he asking her out? No, she was imagining things "If you need to talk about anything, call me anytime okay?" there was a click and the message stopped.

Olivia sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that day. Elliot had been so kind on his message. If he only knew what had happened, he would never be asking her if she wanted to grab a drink again. She would probably be forced to leave SVU and take some pathetic desk job in the property clerk's office if anyone knew. IAB would have a field day. Olivia could just see the smirk on Tucker's face. If Elliot only knew he would never be able to speak to her as simply a friend again.

She took a deep breath; three messages down, one to go. _Beep…_ "Hello Olivia," the blood in her veins seemed to stop moving. She took deep breaths in an effort to keep herself from hyperventilating. She tried to shrink as far into the cushions as possible. She remembered that low, raspy voice. Why was he calling her? Her mind was frozen on that one point and her hands refused to obey her frantic commands to shut off the machine. He had taken what he wanted from her. Why was he calling? "I had so much fun last night," Olivia knew that he was the only one who had. She began to shake as he continued "You're really amazing. I don't think I can be satisfied with just once," _God no_ "I'll have to come see you again someday," with that, the message came to an abrupt end.

Olivia picked up the phone. She all of a sudden really didn't want to be alone at that moment. Her fingers dialed the number with lightening speed, not even bothering to use the speed dial which would have been much quicker. She needed someone with her. It was too much. The phone rang once, twice on the third ring he picked up.

"Stabler."

"Elliot?" her voice seemed weak, distant even to her.

"Liv, you okay?" he asked, instantly forgetting about everything else. He only cared about her in that moment.

"Not really," she whispered "Can you come over, please?"

"Sure," he told her, his voice somehow soothing to her rapidly beating heart and nearly obliterated soul "I'll be there in ten minutes. See you then."

"Thanks," was all Olivia said in response. She hung up the phone and clutched the throw pillow to her as she rose from the couch. She picked up her gun and returned to the couch to wait for Elliot.

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Elliot practically tore out of his house and got into his car. He had driven an entire block and a half before he realized that his seatbelt was unbuckled. He quickly fastened it and continued on his way to Olivia's apartment. She had sounded different, not herself. Her voice had been small and afraid, uncharacteristically her. He was worried. He knew that he should have said something that morning before she went to court. He should have known that what ever it was that was bothering her would affect her testimony. He should have said something encouraging instead of just checking her out as she walked away. He felt so guilty. He was going to go be there for his partner and help her through what ever she was going through. He ran a red light without even noticing. He was too busy thinking about the night before when he had seen her. He tried to think if anything had been off then.

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"Heading home?" he asked when he saw her putting on her jacket.

"Yeah," she nodded with a slight smile "I've done so much paperwork that the forms are going to be haunting my dreams."

He chuckled, handing her bag to her "You wanna go grab a bite to eat?" he asked hopefully.

"Nah," Olivia stifled a yawn, not wanting to turn down his invitation but to exhausted to think of anything but her bed at that moment "Sorry but if I don't get some sleep I'll be passing out in the courtroom tomorrow."

"Right," Elliot nodded in understanding "What's that defense attorney's name again?"

Olivia paused trying to remember "Stewart Mill," she answered "He's a real jackass. I wonder how Wilson ever managed to afford him."

"I don't know," Elliot mused "But he's got no chance. Wilson confessed and there's nothing they can do about that."

"I just hope he doesn't pull some sleazy lawyer trick," Olivia murmured.

"Even if he does," Elliot laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder "You'll do fine. Casey knows what she's doing and all you have to do is tell the truth, you've done it before."

"I know," she shrugged "It's just, I really wanna put this guy away."

"Me too," Elliot told her "Come on, I'll walk you out."

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She had been perfectly fine. What could have happened between that night and the next morning? The possibilities were numerous and terrifying. Elliot shuddered at the thought of what could have possibly happened to her. But if something like that had happened, she would have told him, wouldn't she?

He reached her building. He saw that her car was parked on the street out front. This puzzled him; she always parked in the garage next to her building. The garage was direct access and well lit. Elliot pulled into the garage himself and found an empty space. He got out of the car and started to walk towards the door that connected the garage to the building. He was about to hit the buzzer for Olivia's apartment when he felt something. A gun was pressed against the base of his skull.

Elliot stood as stock still as humanly possible for a long time. He slowly raised his hands so that they were in plain sight. The person holding the gun still hadn't said anything. Elliot tried to plan his next move, wondering if he could duck down out of the way and hit the guy before he pulled the trigger.

"Turn around," the low, raspy, almost inhuman voice whispered in Elliot's ear.

Elliot did as he was told and turned back the way he had come, the gunman remaining behind him the entire time "What do you want?" Elliot finally asked in an even tone.

"None of your business," the man hissed "Just walk over to the other side of the garage."

Again, Elliot did as he was told. He had never noticed before but even though the garage was well lit, there was a surprising lack of security cameras. He reached the wall, his mind racing with questions. What would happen if someone came into the parking garage while this man was there? Would the man panic and kill Elliot and the interloper?

"I assume you're here to see Olivia," the man said, almost conversationally as he reached into Elliot's pocket with his non gun holding hand and removed Elliot's cell.

"How…?" Elliot started to ask but quickly bit his tongue. He couldn't confirm or deny anything about his partner to this obviously violent man. Elliot had the brief thought flash through his mind that this man had something to do with what ever had happened to Olivia.

"I don't suppose," the man began as he flipped the phone open "That she told you about us."

"No," Elliot was forced to answer as his head collided with the wall when the man shoved the gun harder against the base of his skull.

"Too bad," the man mused "it's a good story. Happened last night, right where you're standing actually," the smile was evident in the man's voice.

Elliot felt rage bubbling inside him. He heard the man dialing a number on the cell phone that he had taken from Elliot. While the man's concentration was elsewhere Elliot felt the barrel of the gun relax away from his head. He took a chance and dropped to the floor, turning and landing a decent kick to the man's abdomen.

The man dropped the phone but not the gun. When Elliot got to his feet, the man decided to quit while he was ahead and he ran. Elliot chased him for three blocks before he lost him down a dark alley. He returned to Olivia's apartment building and retrieved his phone from where it lay on the ground. He looked at the illuminated screen and saw the number that the man was attempting to dial. He walked back to the door and finally pushed the buzzer.

Olivia's voice came over the intercom "Yes?" her tone held just an edge of apprehension, well masked but still plain as day to Elliot.

"It's me," he replied, still a little out of breath from having chased the man.

"Elliot?" she asked "Is everything all right?"

_You tell me. What happened to you Olivia?_ He took a deep breath before answering "We need to talk."

"Yeah," she agreed softly "Come on up."


	2. Chapter 2: Truth and Bitter Tears

**Brokenhearted **

**Chapter 2: Truth And Bitter Tears**

He knocked on her door as soon as he had ascended the stairs. He waited patiently for her to open it but he was not prepared for the shock of the site that met him. She was pale and her face was streaked with tears. He reached a hand out to her but she withdrew into the apartment, allowing him to follow but keeping her distance from him. She sat on the couch and he sat beside her, keeping a full cushion between them. He noticed her gun lying on the coffee table "Liv," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," she responded "I just. He… and I couldn't…" she had to tell someone. She had to report it or he would hurt someone else. Now that Elliot was in the apartment with her, it didn't make what she had to do any easier.

"No, no," Elliot reassured softly "Don't apologize to me for anything," he reached out to take her hand but she folded her hands in her lap and shrank further into the couch "It was a boring night at home anyway," he joked, not wanting to tell her about the encounter in the parking garage only minutes before.

She turned to look at him and he saw that there was something in her gaze, a heartache that she had been trying to hide, for how long he wasn't sure but he could guess from what he knew so far that she had been trying to bury it since last night. Tears made fresh tracks down her cheeks. She knew she had to tell him. Just three simple words but God they were so hard to say. She took a deep breath "I was raped," after that statement, she collapsed to the couch, trying to stifle sobs that wracked her form.

"Shh," Elliot laid a hand carefully on her back and when she didn't shy away from it he rubbed slowly "It's okay," he whispered "It's gonna be okay," he picked her up in his arms and held her. He placed a finger under her chin and brought her gaze to meet his "I promise that we'll get the guy who did this."

"I'm sorry," she tore her gaze away instantly and tried to pull out of his arms "I should have been able to stop him," she couldn't stand this. She couldn't take it. She was a cop. This wasn't supposed to happen to her "I just… he was too strong and… I tried but…"

"Olivia," Elliot softly commanded her attention "Look at me." Reluctantly, her watery eyes found his. Elliot spoke firmly but gently at the same time "Listen to me. This is not your fault. You know that better than anyone."

"But-"

Olivia began to object but Elliot placed a finger over her lips "No," he told her. He was having a hard time keeping back his own tears. It broke his heart to see her this way and he knew that when he found the person who had done this to her, it would take half the NYPD to protect that slime from him. "You didn't ask for this," he fought the urge to just hold her to him.

"I stopped," she whispered "I stopped struggling after only a few minutes," the fact that she had given up the fight was almost as humiliating as the rape itself.

Elliot felt tears begin to burn his own eyes but he didn't make any attempt to hide them. He wouldn't look away from her; he didn't want to send the signal that anything that happened was her fault or that she should feel ashamed. He kept his gaze focused solely on her, reassuring her that he didn't think any less of her. He nearly choked on his next words "That probably saved your life," he whispered as a tear fell from his eye. He wished that she had told him about this when it happened. He wished he could have been there for her. He wanted to find the guy who did this and strangle him.

"I should probably give my formal statement down at the station," she sniffled as she ran the back of her hand across her eyes, trying to erase the evidence that she had been crying although from who she wasn't sure "I just wanted to let you know first so… I didn't want it to shock you too much," she looked away from him.

"Thank you for telling me," he told her with a hand on her shoulder "I'll drive you to the station," he whispered, knowing that the guy was still out there and worse, he had been at her building that very night. He wasn't going to let anything else happen to her if he could help it.

"There's something else," she admitted softly.

Elliot was afraid to ask. What more could have possibly happened to her? He removed his hand from her shoulder and instead wrapped his arm around her "Did something else happen?" he asked nervously.

She reached for the answering machine and skipped to the last message. She didn't want to hear it again and when she saw Elliot's reaction to it, she knew he didn't want to hear it at all. She took a deep shuddering breath and stood to her feet "Okay, let's go," she said hesitantly.

"Oh God," Elliot whispered. He stood with her and held her close "Oh my God," he didn't dare leave the apartment now without CSU already in the parking garage looking for evidence and the entire building surrounded by cops. The guy had been right there. He had been inches away from Elliot and he had gotten away. Not only that but he was threatening to come back. Elliot knew that the ones who threatened to come back rarely did but he had been in the garage and been witness to the fact that this one had indeed come back. He eased Olivia back to the couch "I'm gonna call the captain," he said, hoping that she wouldn't press him for the reason.

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Casey flipped through the TV channels, finally settling on Conan O'Brien before leaning back on the couch. She took a long sip from the glass of wine in her hand before setting it back on the coffee table. She was trying to forget about work with no success. Mill was calling Elliot as a witness and Casey knew that Mill had some sort of devious plan to get his client off. She hated Mill.

A knock on her apartment door snapped her attention away from the TV. She stood up and walked to the door. She peered through the peephole but couldn't see anything "Who is it?" she asked.

"Your next door neighbor," a raspy voice answered.

Casey didn't know her neighbors all that well but she didn't think that this voice sounded like any of them. Still she couldn't be sure. She opened the door and looked out into the hallway. Before she could react, she was shoved back inside her apartment. She landed on her back and stared up at her assailant. He was tall and wore a ski mask. "What the hell," she said loudly.

The man pulled out a gun "Now, now councilor," he taunted as he bent down and knelt on top of her "I suggest you be quiet. I wouldn't want to have to put a bullet through that pretty little head of yours."

Casey froze as the man pinned her beneath his weight "No," she whispered.

"Oh yes," the man responded. Through the ski mask, Casey could see a horrifying smile of satisfaction on the man's face "I'm gonna enjoy this," he told her.

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Olivia stood behind Elliot, half hidden by his left shoulder as they walked to his car. She couldn't help feeling uneasy walking through the parking garage again but looking around she felt slightly better. The place was swarming with cops. CSU detectives were dusting for fingerprints although since it was a parking garage, there were bound to be a lot of fingerprints. Uniformed officers were canvassing the area looking for any sign of the man that Elliot had described: About six feet, gray sweats and a ski mask. Not a whole lot to go on but it was something.

Elliot opened the passenger side door of his car for Olivia. He saw how she was glancing fitfully in all directions and he placed a hand on her arm as he reassured her "He's not gonna get near you again."

"You can't be sure," she slid in to the car and fastened the seatbelt "He got close to you didn't he?"

Elliot had been forced to explain about his encounter in the garage while Olivia was standing right next to him and she was angry that he hadn't told her. In her mind, the special treatment had already begun. Elliot got in and started the car "It wasn't important," he protested.

"Not important?!" she was incredulous "Elliot he could have killed you! He knew you were there to see me! He knows that you're my partner! And to you, that's 'not important'?!"

"I didn't want to worry you," he mumbled.

"Too late," she countered at a more normal volume although her tone was still angry. She was worried. She couldn't stand it if Elliot died. She knew she couldn't get through this without him. She wasn't entirely sure that she could get through this with him but she knew that she would never make it without him.

"Look," he began "I was just… You don't need to…" nothing sounded right in his own mind. She was his partner and best friend. There was no excuse for keeping something from her, even if it had to do with her own rape case. She never liked it when he kept things from her and she always found out eventually, like tonight "I'm sorry," he said finally. He caught a glimpse of her in the rearview mirror and saw that there were fresh tears on her cheeks "Liv?" he asked, worriedly.

"Just…" she began "just… ask me first the next time you decide to almost get your head blown off," she tried to make light of the heavy, raging emotions in her heart at that moment.

"Deal," he agreed softly. Suddenly it occurred to him to ask a question that he hadn't asked earlier. The question was very uncomfortable but he knew he needed to ask for the sake of the case "Liv… last night… did you… I mean afterwards… did you go to the hospital?"

"Yeah," she answered softly, staring at her lap "Mercy General. They have the kit there."

"Munch and Fin can go pick it up and run it over to the lab," he told her as he pulled out his phone. He talked to Munch for a few minutes before hanging up. He turned to Olivia with a grave look on his face just as they pulled up in front of the precinct "They'll pick it up but it's gonna be a while," he told her, trying to stall for time. He knew she didn't want him to keep things from her but he really wished he could get away with not telling her this. But it was something that she would find out one way or another and it was better if she found out from him.

"What happened?" she picked up instantly on the fact that he was stalling and trying to keep something from her.

Elliot opened his door and stepped out "Let's head inside first," he wanted to delay the inevitable just a little longer.

Olivia got out and came around to his side of the car "Elliot," she whispered as she shivered from the night air "Tell me what happened," her voice was firm.

Elliot started to walk inside the precinct "I'll tell you," he said "I just want to get inside first."

Olivia shrugged and followed him inside. They walked up to the squad room. Olivia headed for her desk but Elliot steered her in the direction of an interview room "Elliot," she protested.

He opened the door and motioned to one of the chairs "You're gonna want to be sitting down for this," he told her uneasily.

Olivia felt the knot in her stomach that had been there for a long time now grow even tighter. She nodded numbly and took a seat. She folded her hands on the table in front of her and looked up at Elliot as he took a seat across from her "What happened?" she repeated her earlier question.

Elliot took a deep breath "There was another attack."

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered. She was overcome with guilt "I should have reported it sooner."

"No," Elliot knew that she was blaming herself and he was doing everything he could to keep that from happening "This wasn't your fault Olivia."

"If I had said something," she suddenly found staring at her joined hands to be quite interesting "Who was the victim?" she asked.

"That's not important," Elliot tried to dismiss her question. This too would be something she would find out in time but if he could at least give her a few hours of bliss before it hit.

"It is to me," she countered "Tell me please?"

Elliot took a deep breath. He didn't want to be the barer of this news but he had very little choice. He could keep quiet and then Olivia would just read about it in the paper or hear about it from someone else. This case too would be highly publicized "Casey."

Olivia stood shakily to her feet "How could you not think that was important?" Elliot had to rush around to the other side of the table to steady Olivia when she nearly fell over "She's our friend Elliot," Olivia half sobbed half screamed.

"I know," Elliot held Olivia in his arms "I know but Liv, you need to be thinking about yourself right now and let the rest of us do the worrying about both you and Casey."

"Is she at least okay?" Olivia silently conceded knowing that Elliot was right but not wanting to admit it out loud.

Elliot took another deep breath "A security camera outside her building caught a guy in gray sweats and a ski mask," he pulled Olivia into a hug and ran his hand up and down her back as he sunk into the chair. This news had broken him as well and there was only so long that he could remain strong. He just hoped he could hold out a bit longer.

"That doesn't answer my question Elliot," Olivia's voice was muffled by Elliot's shoulder "Is she okay?"

"She's in a coma," Elliot answered as he lost his grip, holding onto Olivia for all he was worth.

"Oh God," Olivia whispered. She and Elliot cried in each other's embrace for an hour. This perp was escalating.

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Munch and Fin walked into Melinda Warner's office "Two rape kits," Munch said flatly, placing the items on Warner's desk.

Warner gave the two detectives a sad and knowing smile "I'll make this my top priority," she told them.

"Thanks," Fin muttered. He turned and left the room followed closely by his partner.

Warner watched them leave before turning her attention to the rape kits that they had delivered. She had never seen Munch and Fin so devoid of personality but she understood why.

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"I can't believe this is all happening," Olivia sat across from Elliot once again, running her finger around the rim of a paper cup of water "It just doesn't seem real."

Elliot nodded. He was feeling the same exact way "Are you sure you want to do this now?" he asked.

"The sooner the better remember," she smirked slightly "Get the details while they're still fresh in the victim's mind."

"Are you sure you want me to take your statement?" he asked. He would if she truly wanted him to but he wasn't sure and if she would rather give her statement to someone else he would understand. In fact, he would more than understand, he would be down right grateful not to have to know every last detail but he would do it if she wanted him to.

"No, its fine," she said noncommittally "I just want to get this over with."

"Okay," Elliot took out a pen and a notepad "Let me know if you need to stop."

"Elliot," she said sternly "I know the drill, okay?"

"Yeah, sorry," he muttered.

"Would it be easier for you if I gave my statement to someone else?" she asked.

"What?" he looked up from the pad of paper.

"Its just," she propped her cheek against her hand and stared her partner down as if nothing was out of the ordinary "You seem like you'd rather be anywhere else right now."

Elliot set his pen down and looked directly at Olivia "Well maybe a little but Olivia, this has nothing to do with me. If you feel more comfortable having me take your statement then I'm gonna take your statement."

"I'd rather not give it at all," Olivia muttered but she knew she couldn't do that. She thought about poor Casey and any other women that this bastard might victimize in the future. He was escalating and the next person who ran into him might not be lucky enough to be in a coma.

Elliot leaned forward and reached a hand across the table to Olivia who readily took it "Whenever you're ready," he whispered.

Olivia gave Elliot a barely noticeable smile before she took a deep breath. She shut her eyes against the memories "I pulled into the parking garage last night at around 1:30am."

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She parked her car and stepped out. Her mind was perhaps too focused on her upcoming testimony that she didn't hear the man sneak up from behind her. All she could think about were those two little kids. The next thing she knew, there was a hand over her mouth and another around her waist. Her first instinct was to fight back. She struck out with one arm but hit nothing. The next thing she knew, her face was pressed into the far wall of the parking garage. She could feel the barrel of a gun pressed firmly into the base of her skull.

"Do what I say," a low, raspy, almost inhuman voice told her "I wouldn't want to have to put a bullet in that pretty little head of yours."

Olivia's mind raced. She had to get out of this somehow. With one hand she reached back and tried to push him off balance but it didn't work. She heard him curse and cock the hammer of the gun. She shut her eyes tight, preparing for her death. She knew she had caused it. Instead the man simply pistol whipped her across the back before returning the barrel of the gun to the base of her skull.

"I'm not gonna warn you again bitch," he hissed, pressing his full weight against her. His free hand moved to the button of her jeans and he pushed them down in one fluid motion. Her panties soon joined her jeans around her ankles.

As he moved inside her, she had the thought that it would be much better to be dead than to be living through this nightmare.

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Olivia stopped, withdrawing her hand from Elliot's and looking down "I should have been able to stop him," she whispered as tears burned her eyes.

Elliot quickly finished taking his notes and crossed to the other side of the room. He knelt beside her chair and took her hand into his once again "Liv," he softly commanded her attention. When she looked at him he continued "You aren't super woman. You did all you could have done in that situation," he couldn't believe how close he had come to losing her and the thought made tears come to his own eyes "You survived."

"Yeah," Olivia said bitterly "Do you know how hollow all of those words sound from the other side of the 'situation'?" she collapsed off the chair and into Elliot's waiting embrace.

"I'm so sorry," Elliot whispered into her hair. He felt guilty that he wasn't there to stop this from happening to her "I wish…" he trailed off.

"Yeah," Olivia murmured "I know," what had happened had happened and now she had to deal with it.

They sat together like that for some time before they finally pulled apart. Elliot cleared his throat "Do you want me to take you home?" he didn't like the idea of her going back to her apartment with that guy still out there and having threatened to come back for her.

Olivia cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. If she stayed at the station, that bastard would have gotten her to back down. There was no choice in her mind "Yeah," she said softly, standing to her feet.

"You're sure?" Elliot asked, hoping that she would change her mind.

She seriously considered changing her mind at that moment but she just couldn't do it "If I let him control my life," she told Elliot "He wins. I'm not gonna let that happen."

"This isn't about winning Olivia," Elliot tried to keep the frustration he was feeling out of his tone "It's never about winning."

"It's always about winning," she walked out of the interview room and waited for him to follow. She had to regain herself, no matter what had happened to her, she wouldn't let her rape define who she was. Of course that was easier said than done.

The ride back to her building was quiet, Neither one said so much as a word until Elliot parked on the street in front of the building; the garage had long since been vacated by the CSU team and Elliot didn't really want to go back in there. He was just as shaken by this guy as Olivia was. He walked her up to her apartment and went inside with her. Then and only then did he break the silence "Are you going to be all right?"

She nodded. Then she noticed the light on her answering machine flashing. She had a new message. She pointed to the machine "Elliot," she said softly.

Elliot walked over to the machine and pushed the button as soon as the voice on the tape began, he felt a chill run down his spine. He reached for Olivia and pulled her onto the couch with him. He held her close "It's gonna be okay," he whispered over and over again to reassure himself as well as her.

"It's sweet how your partner takes care of you," the man didn't even bother with a greeting "Just remember, he can't protect you all the time."

_Like hell I can't,_ Elliot thought angrily.

"I wonder," the man mused "What would you do without him Olivia? What do you say we find out huh?"

_No!_ Olivia thought frantically as her grip on Elliot increased noticeably.

"Oh," the man added as if he had just thought of something "If Casey ever wakes up again, tell her I say hi."

Both Elliot and Olivia shivered at this. The man was openly taking responsibility for the attack on Casey. Elliot pulled out his cell phone "I'm gonna call TARU and have them analyze this," he said.

Olivia nodded "Good idea."

The message was still playing "I'll be seeing both of you sooner than you think. Bye."


	3. Chapter 3: Stand By Me

**Brokenhearted**

**Chapter 3: Stand By Me**

**A/N: The song is "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King. Thanks to Nat for helping me find the version of the song that I wanted.**

"I'll go over it myself," Morales promised as he took the answering machine tape from Elliot "I'll let you know if I find anything."

"Thanks," Elliot nodded at the other man "I appreciate it."

Morales nodded "I'll do anything to get this guy," he told Elliot.

"Yeah," Elliot said softly, glancing over his shoulder at Olivia who was pouring a glass of water in the kitchen "Yeah, me too."

Morales was on his way out of the apartment when he turned back to Elliot "Oh, good luck in court tomorrow."

"Thanks," Elliot had nearly forgotten about court in the morning. Too much had happened in the last few hours. He watched Morales leave and locked the door to the apartment.

Olivia came back into the living room, holding her glass of water in one hand. She took a seat on the couch and took a long sip of the water. She knew Ruben Morales well but for some reason, she didn't want to be in the same room with him tonight. She drank a lot of water while she had been in the kitchen waiting for him to leave. She looked up at Elliot "Shouldn't you go home and get some sleep so you can be rested for court tomorrow?" she asked.

Elliot sighed heavily and sat on the couch beside her. How had she remembered about his having to be in court when he had all but forgotten? He didn't want to leave her alone tonight. He looked down, studying the pattern made by the wood grain on the top of Olivia's coffee table "Are you sure?" he asked softly "I mean I could stay here and watch TV with you or something," Olivia had previously stated offhandedly that she was probably never going to sleep again.

"You should be well rested," Olivia said matter-of-factly "I'll be okay here."

"I…" he searched for words "I could stay here," he wondered if he was being to forward.

"Excuse me?" Olivia laughed slightly "Your mother ever tell you that it's rude to invite yourself?"

"Liv," he said seriously "Are you really going to be okay here?"

She could sense the worry in his voice "Elliot," she placed a hand on his forearm "I'll be…" she trailed off "Go home, get some sleep."

Elliot stood up reluctantly "Lock the door after I leave," he told her. He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder "If you need anything…"

"Yeah," she said softly "I know the number," she walked him to the door and opened it for him "Be careful," she whispered "I'll see you in court tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" he asked "I mean, you don't have to be there."

"Yes," her lips were dangerously close to his "I do," it was her fault that he had to be called as a witness. Her shaky testimony had made it possible that the defense could call him. She felt responsible and knew that she had to be there "I'll be there."

"Do you need me to pick you up in the morning?" he offered. He was stalling for time, not wanting to leave her.

"Nah," she dismissed his offer "I'll drive," she saw the worried look on his face "I'll be fine."

He reached out and enveloped her in a gentle hug, burying his face in her hair. He suddenly didn't want to leave her but he wasn't going to stay and cause her more discomfort "Okay," he whispered "I'll see you then," he took a step into the hallway but was shoved backwards.

"Elliot," Olivia rushed to where he had landed only to be grabbed around the waist, a hand clamped securely over her mouth. She began to struggle against the man who held her until she saw the gun pointed in Elliot's direction. _No Please?_ She thought as she froze.

Sickeningly warm breath tickled the back of her neck as the low raspy voice whispered "Shall we find out Olivia?" she heard the hammer of the gun cock.

She whimpered and the man moved his hand from her mouth "Please don't?" she begged.

Elliot stared up at the man in the gray sweats and the ski mask as he pointed his gun at Elliot. He saw the frightened expression on Olivia's face. He reached for his own gun "Drop your weapon and let her go," he commanded in a low dangerous tone.

The unknown assailant chuckled as he brought the barrel of his gun to Olivia's head "Oh I don't think so detective," he mused "You see, I hold all the cards in this game. Now drop the gun," his other hand began to roam over Olivia's body, pinching every once in a while.

Olivia couldn't help the shame that crossed her face. It was bad enough that it was going to happen again but the fear of having it happen in front of her partner made her want to vanish from the face of the earth. She felt utterly helpless. She had to do something to make this right for Elliot at least. She saw Elliot relaxing the grip on his gun and knew that once that happened they would be completely at this man's mercy. She turned her head slightly in the direction of the man holding the gun "If you let him go," she bargained "I'll do…" she paused, looking one last time at Elliot before turning her gaze to the ground "What ever you want."

The gunman smiled "That's a good girl."

"Olivia, don't," Elliot stood to his feet. He wasn't going to let this man use him as a pawn in his sick game "Don't let him do this."

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered.

The man pushed her to the ground, forgetting in his excitement over getting what he was after, that Elliot was still holding his gun. As Olivia lay face down on the ground, she heard two shots ring out followed by two loud thumps that signified bodies hitting the floor.

Olivia looked up and saw Elliot lying in front of her, bleeding from a wound in his stomach. She rushed to his side, pressing down on the wound with one hand in an effort to stop the bleeding while with the other she fished through Elliot's pockets until she found his cell phone. Desperately, she called 911 all the while talking to Elliot "Oh God, Elliot, why did you have to do that?" she asked.

He lifted an arm weakly to her tear stained cheek "I couldn't let him… I had to… protect you."

The paramedics arrived soon after that and began to work on Elliot. The masked man was left alone for the police and the medical examiner to deal with; Elliot had landed a perfect shot right through the space where the man's heart, if he had one, was.

Olivia rode along in the ambulance, holding Elliot's hand. She was numb all over. She couldn't stand losing him. "I'm sorry," were the only two words she spoke, she whispered them over and over again to Elliot as the ambulance sped through the streets on the way to the hospital.

They got to the hospital and Elliot was whisked away to surgery. Olivia sank into a chair in the waiting room. She wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth Elliot getting shot. She hadn't been worth Ryan Clifford's life and she knew she wasn't worth Elliot's. If he didn't make it, she knew that there was no way that she could continue to live in this city. There was no way that she would ever set foot back in the station. She had to believe that he would make it. But it was so hard to have faith anymore.

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John Munch stood in the vacated apartment, staring at the evidence of what had happened there only an hour before. His first infuriated question had been shouted at the buildings super. How had the bastard gotten in? The man hadn't been able to provide an answer and John had wanted to ring his neck.

Fin gave a long low whistle as he bent down beside the still masked body. The shot through the chest was dead center. Elliot had really done a good job taking him down. If only the guy hadn't reacted as quickly as he did. Fin reached for the ski mask and pulled it off "Show us who you are you dead bastard," he muttered disdainfully.

Munch leaned over to peer into the face of the monster who had turned more than a few lives upside down "Hey, isn't that Wilson's defense attorney?" he asked.

"Oh," Fin muttered "The press is going to have a field day with this one."

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"Olivia," a soft voice called from beside her.

Olivia looked up, wiping her eyes vigorously to get rid of the tears she had been crying and stared into the face of Kathy Stabler. She hid her face once more "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be," Kathy laid a hand on her shoulder "He's a fighter; he's not going to leave you. You've got to believe that."

"I'm trying," Olivia whispered, choking back a sob "I can't lose him."

Kathy enveloped the other woman into a tight embrace "And you won't," Kathy found herself crying as well "You aren't gonna lose him. You know better than I do that he's a stubborn jackass and he's not gonna let something like a bullet stop him."

Olivia chuckled slightly through her tears "Thanks," she whispered.

Kathy stood up "I'm still on duty," she told Olivia "I just wanted to see how you were doing. I'll be back to wait with you when my shift is over."

"Thanks," Olivia said again as Kathy disappeared down the corridor. Olivia returned to her silent despondency as she waited for someone to bring her news on Elliot's condition.

A doctor appeared in front of her without her noticing and she jumped when he called her name "Olivia Benson?"

She nodded meekly "Yeah?" she was hopeful and afraid all at the same time "How is he?"

The doctor smiled at her "He made it through surgery just fine. He'll make a full recovery."

Olivia leaned back in the chair and let out a relieved breath "Thank you God," she whispered before turning back to the doctor "Can I see him?"

The doctor nodded "Follow me," he led Olivia to Elliot's hospital room "I'm Dr. Laurence by the way," he told her "If you need anything, ask for me at the front desk."

Olivia didn't quite like the way that Dr. Laurence was looking at her. He was being in her opinion, awfully presumptuous. Still she nodded her head and even though she felt uncomfortable, she forced a smile and said "Thank you."

Elliot lay in a narrow hospital bed, an IV in his left arm and a heart monitor, rhythmically beeping, confirming that he was indeed alive. Olivia sat on the right side of the bed and took his hand in both of hers. He was still out from the anesthesia but Olivia didn't want to talk to him just yet anyway. She had no idea what to say to him. What he had done for her, she could never repay that as long as she lived. For now, she was just content to watch the rise and fall of his chest beneath the hospital blankets. She suddenly felt very tired. It had after all been over thirty six hours since she had last slept. But this was a hospital and she didn't feel safe enough to close her eyes in such a public place. She attempted to suppress a yawn to no avail. She brought her left hand up to rub her eyes. When she lowered it again, she saw Elliot staring back at her.

"Tired?" he asked with a smile.

All thoughts of exhaustion left her mind as fresh tears coursed down her cheeks "Hi," she whispered. It wasn't much but it was all she could think of to say.

"Hi," he reached his right hand up and brushed away her tears "Those had better be happy tears," he flashed her a small and fatigued smile.

"Relieved tears," she answered with a sniffle.

"Thanks," Elliot murmured seemingly without reason.

"For what?" Olivia asked. If anything, she should be thanking him.

"For being here," he answered.

"Anytime partner," she smiled meekly at him.

The anesthesia was messing with Elliot's inhibitions at the moment and he suddenly broke out into song. He sang in a soft voice; a song that he used to sing to Kathleen when she was a baby "When the night has come, and the land is dark. And the moon is the only light we will see."

Olivia recognized the song and smiling she picked up the tune "No, I won't be afraid, oh, I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me."

Elliot joined her for the chorus and together they sang "So darlin', darlin' stand by me. Oh stand by me. Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me."

Elliot closed his eyes again and yawned. Olivia began the second verse as he began to nod off "If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall. Or the mountain should crumble to the sea," Olivia sniffled slightly as she tightened her grip on Elliot's hand and sang the next part "I won't cry, I won't cry, no, I won't shed a tear. Just as long as you stand," she sniffled again and laid her head down by his hand "Stand by me."

"And darlin'," Elliot picked up where Olivia had left off, stroking her cheek with his thumb "Darlin' stand by me. Oh stand by me. Whoa stand now," his voice became lower in volume and softer in tone "Stand by me, stand by me," he looked down to see that Olivia's eyes were closed and her breathing had evened out. He smiled and kept watch while his partner slept "I'll stand by you," he told her in a whisper.


	4. Chapter 4: Taking Flight Again

**Brokenhearted**

**Chapter 4: Taking Flight Again**

Olivia didn't stay asleep for long. Only about an hour passed before someone entered Elliot's hospital room. She shot up instantly, looking around frantically, all of a sudden on high alert. Her eyes searched the room until they landed on Kathy's face "Oh," Olivia mumbled sheepishly "Hi."

Kathy smiled reassuringly "Hey, sorry I woke you. I just came to see how Elliot was doing."

Olivia stood up "No, its okay. I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee. Do you want anything?" she asked Kathy.

"No thanks," Kathy shook her head "I'm all set."

"Liv," Elliot called after her "You don't have to leave."

Olivia turned around "I'll be back in a couple of minutes," she smiled faintly at him "I just really need a cup of coffee." She turned back around and left the room.

Kathy took a seat in the chair that Olivia had previously occupied "I really didn't mean to do that," she said softly, studying the simple white hospital issue sheets with greater interest than should be expected from anyone. She looked up suddenly "How has she been doing?" she asked Elliot.

Elliot sighed heavily "She's tough," he said "She'll be fine," he tried to gloss over the deeper issues and change the topic; it wasn't his place to be talking about Olivia and he knew what Kathy was asking about specifically "Why'd you come to visit me anyway?"

"I wanted to check in on you two," she told him "I promised Olivia that I'd come see her at the end of my shift." Kathy ran a hand nervously through her hair "What exactly happened to you?"

Elliot sighed again. He wondered if he could plead ignorance about the details. He wasn't entirely sure himself. He didn't know if the other man was dead or alive. He took a deep breath and simply said "I got shot," he studied Kathy's face and could tell that she wasn't buying it.

"How did you get shot?" she prodded in a slightly irritated tone.

"When someone applies pressure to the trigger of a gun," Elliot began "A bullet typically comes out and-"

Kathy stood up abruptly "Don't be an ass," she had to fight to keep her voice at an acceptable level "You are lucky you're in a hospital bed or I'd smack you," she walked to the door of the room and turned around "You stubborn, pig headed, son-of-a-bitch. All I asked was how it happened and I can't even get a straight answer from you on that."

"It was my fault," Kathy heard the voice behind her and turned to see Olivia standing in the doorway. She held a cup of coffee in her trembling hands "I should get going," and before either Elliot or Kathy could protest, she was gone.

"Oh no," Kathy murmured, suddenly overcome with guilt. She ran to catch up with Olivia. She saw her at the end of the hallway, waiting for the elevator "Olivia," she called out breathlessly as she caught up to her.

Olivia turned to Kathy "I'm so sorry," she whispered "I should have known and…" she had to turn away when she felt the tears stinging her eyes again.

The elevator door opened and Olivia stepped forward but Kathy put a hand on her arm to stop her "You should really stay here with Elliot," she told her.

"How can he even look at me?" Olivia asked softly "I'm the reason he's here. He'd be better off if he never met me."

Kathy guided Olivia to a nearby chair "I may not know what's going on here," she began as she sat down beside Olivia "But I know that whatever happened, Elliot doesn't blame you for it."

Olivia felt incredibly uncomfortable. She took a deep breath "He doesn't have to blame me," she stood up "The fact is that he got hurt trying to protect me. He could have been killed," she started walking back to the elevator "He'll be safer without me here," it broke her heart to say those words but it was the truth. The elevator came and this time Olivia stepped inside without being stopped by Kathy, who was too stunned by what Olivia had just said to even move. As the doors closed Olivia called out "Tell him I said goodbye and that I'm sorry."

Kathy simply stood there, staring at the elevator. How was she supposed to tell Elliot about this? She turned back towards the hall that led to his hospital room and walked slowly towards it. Kathy couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach. She approached the room. Through the door she could see Elliot lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She took two steps into the room and cleared her throat. When Elliot turned to look at her she quickly whispered "I have to go," before turning towards the door.

"Is Olivia all right?" his question reached her ears, strained, timid it was obvious that he didn't feel comfortable asking her about his partner.

She cleared her throat again without turning around to face him "She had to leave. She said…" Kathy found herself choking on the words "She said to tell you goodbye and that she was sorry."

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Olivia stepped into Captain Cragen's office. She had been here before. She had done this before but she had come back then. Now she knew that there would be no turning back. She couldn't come back because if she did, it would put Elliot in danger. She didn't know how or when she would be the cause of his death but she knew that she would be and that thought scared her to death.

Cragen looked up and smiled sympathetically at Olivia "Olivia, I thought you would be at the hospital. How's Elliot?"

"He's fine," she said quickly, wanting to get this part of the conversation out of the way and get down to her real reason for comeing to the captain's office at such a late hour.

Cragen looked uncomfortable for a moment. He cleared his throat "Why aren't you at the hospital?" he asked softly.

"Is something wrong?" Olivia asked, picking up on Cragen's change in attitude instantly.

"It's just that Munch and Fin are interrogating Wilson and-" Cragen started to say but Olivia cut him off.

"Why are they interrogating Wilson?" she asked quickly, stepping further into the office and taking a seat across from Cragen.

Cragen cleared his throat again, feeling awkward _Why can't someone else tell her this,_ he wondered. He breathed deep before speaking "The man who… the man Elliot shot was Stewart Mill."

Olivia felt the wind leave her body all in a rush. The string of victims all made sense. Her, Casey, Elliot all stood between Mill's client and freedom but something didn't feel right "Why would he go to such lengths for this one client?" she asked when she had found her voice again.

"That's what Munch and Fin are trying to find out," Cragen leaned back in his seat "You can observe the interrogation if you want to."

"No thanks," Olivia knew it would be too much for her, besides, she came here for one reason and she still hadn't even made mention of that reason yet "Captain I'd… I'd like to request a transfer."

Cragen leaned forward again "A transfer?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Out of state if possible," she studied the floor very carefully.

"Olivia," Cragen sighed heavily "I don't suppose I could ask you why and get a straight answer from you this time?"

"I'd like to escape the media feeding frenzy before it begins," it wasn't a lie. She didn't want reporters hounding her relentlessly with questions about how it felt to have spent nearly a decade pursuing sex offenders only to fall victim to one herself.

Cragen nodded slowly "You don't have to transfer out of state for that," he stated "So what are you running away from?"

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked incredulously "Who said anything about running away?"

"You didn't say it," Cragen told her "But it's damn obvious that you're trying to run away and it's not just from the media or from the memories of what happened to you. We've been here before Olivia. We've been in this exact same place. So tell me, what are you running from?"

"How dare you?" Olivia whispered as she stood up "I don't have to explain myself to you," she walked towards the door of his office.

"If I'm going to approve a transfer again, you sure as hell do," Cragen stood up and took a step towards her when the phone on his desk rang. He picked it up and had barely said his own name when the person on the other end began speaking so frantically that Cragen could barely get a word in edgewise. He held up his hand in Olivia's direction, signaling her to stay where she was as he tried to calm the person on the other end of the phone "Hold on… Elliot… Elliot… Elliot! She's standing right here! She's here in my office! Breathe Elliot, she's all right," he handed the phone to Olivia, muttering "Jesus, poor guy's worried out of his mind."

Olivia held the phone to her ear "Hello," she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Olivia," Elliot breathed "Oh thank God. Are you all right? Why did you leave so suddenly?"

Olivia looked in Cragen's direction, her eyes pleading for some privacy. Cragen nodded and allowed himself to be thrown out of his own office "Let me know when you're done," he said before closing the door after his retreating form. He had a sneaking suspicion that he knew what Olivia was running from and why and he couldn't let her do that. Cragen knew that Olivia would ultimately regret it.

Olivia sank into a chair and let the tears come "I'm fine," she whispered "Elliot I'm… I'm so sorry about all of this."

"Liv," Elliot commanded her attention, relieved that she was safe "You didn't cause any of this. That guy would have killed us both. I'm just glad that he…" Elliot trailed off.

Olivia stifled a sob "It's just better if I… I can't stay here anymore."

"What?" Elliot asked, surprised.

"I'm gonna transfer," she felt like she owed him the explanation this time, no matter how hard it was to give "If I stay here I'll… I just can't stay. Not in SVU and not in New York. I'm sorry."

"Liv," Elliot whispered. He couldn't believe it; she wanted to leave the state. He made up his mind right then and there "Let me come with you?"

"What?" it was Olivia's turn to be surprised "Elliot your kids-"

"Don't need me anymore," he sighed "They haven't needed me for a long time actually. Kathy's new boyfriend is more of a father than I ever was."

"Elliot," Olivia whispered softly. This was the first she had heard about this "You're a great father," she attempted to reassure him, forgetting for the moment that she was trying to let him go.

Elliot sighed "I love my kids," he said, taking a deep breath "But they're older now. It hurts to be around them sometimes."

Olivia took in Elliot's confession and met his honest words with understanding and compassion "They love you too Elliot."

"I know," Elliot whispered "But sometimes I think maybe it would be nice to get away."

"Elliot," Olivia ran the back of her hand over her eyes, glad that Elliot couldn't see her crying although she was fairly sure that he could hear it over the phone "I'm not just talking about taking a little break. I've got to get out of this place. I have to…" _Get away from you before I screw up again and you die because of it._

"This city is suffocating," Elliot whispered "I'd love to know what it's like to live somewhere peaceful."

"I have to do this on my own," she whispered through the tears. In her mind she couldn't get rid of the image of a happy suburban house with a white picket fence, in a safe neighborhood, children playing in the front yard, children who weren't afraid, who had never known neglect or sorrow, her children, hers and Elliot's. The picture was just too perfect and it tore her up inside, because it would never be a reality.

"You don't have to," Elliot told her "You don't have to do anything alone. You never have to be alone," I'll never let you be alone again.

"Elliot," Olivia sighed yet again "If you come with me…" she choked back a sob "You'll just get hurt."

"What?" Elliot was confused again. She was already tearing him apart emotionally. He couldn't imagine hurting anymore than he did right now, burdened with the fear of losing her.

"Like tonight," she whispered.

"Olivia, that wasn't your fault," he repeated. He didn't care how many times he had to tell her this. He would repeat it until she believed him "Please, stop blaming yourself for this," he made a random sweeping gesture towards his stomach even though he knew she couldn't see him over the phone.

"I've gotta go," Olivia said suddenly "Cragen's probably gonna want his office back any minute."

"Liv," Elliot began but she had already hung up. He sighed and let his head fall back against the pillow. He wondered how long it would be before he could leave the hospital and when he finally did, would it be too late to stop her from running away from him?

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"All yours," Olivia nodded at Cragen as she stepped outside the office and started to walk away. She had no idea where she was going to go; she didn't want to go back to her apartment, not after what had happened there. She turned in the direction of the locker room to get her spare change of clothes from her locker. It was almost five in the morning anyway.

Cragen cleared his throat and Olivia turned to see him standing in the door of his office "About this transfer," he began.

Olivia shifted her weight from one foot to the other "Yeah," she murmured "I'd like to get away from here as soon as possible."

"You've been through a lot tonight," Cragen told her "Maybe you should go crash in the crib and we'll talk about this in the morning."

"It is the morning," Olivia corrected softly.

Cragen chuckled humorlessly "Yeah," he cleared his throat again "Listen, you're under a lot of stress and decisions like this shouldn't be made so hurriedly. I wouldn't want you to do something that you'd regret later on."

Olivia nodded, too tired to put up much of a fight about this. She was positive that this was what she wanted but if Cragen wasn't going to discuss it with her until she'd gotten some sleep then damn it she would just have to go get some sleep. She turned back towards the locker room "Goodnight," she mumbled over her shoulder.

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"It all boils down to this," Munch took a seat across from Wilson yet again. They had been interrogating this guy for an hour and a half and all they seemed to be doing was running in circles "Why were you so special to Stewart Mill?"

"I don't know," Wilson answered flatly "Maybe because I'm innocent?" he suggested, raising one corner of his mouth in a semi-grin.

"Don't feed me that bull," Fin slammed his hand on the table next to Wilson; the noise did nothing to phase the other man "We both know you killed your family," Fin hissed.

Wilson's expression remained completely calm as he turned to face Fin "I did not kill them," his tone was even, almost too even.

"Settle down," Munch interjected "You're not on trial here."

"Good thing for us," Fin muttered disdainfully "You'd probably higher someone to get us out of the picture."

"We just want to know what your connection to Stewart Mill is," Munch told Wilson. Munch was just as angry if not more angry at Wilson than Fin was but he had somehow fallen into the roll of good cop and he was determined to play the roll for all it was worth if it would get them a confession.

"He was my attorney," Wilson stated for the millionth time since he had been brought in for questioning "I don't know where he got the idea to do those two…" he trailed off, rethinking his last sentence "I don't know what happened that made him snap but it had nothing to do with me." He stood up "Now if you excuse me, I have court in a few hours and it looks like I'm going to have to represent myself." He walked out of the interrogation room.

"He had something to do with it, I just know it," Munch said annoyed.

"I'd love to just shoot him now and get it over with," Fin murmured.

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Robby Wilson hailed a cab just outside the station and got in. After telling the driver where to go, he leaned back against the seat. He may not have had a defense attorney anymore but the people didn't have a prosecutor or anymore witnesses. Even if someone from the DA's office came to fill Novak's place, they wouldn't be nearly as familiar with the case as she had been; they wouldn't be nearly as capable of making the case against him. He let out a relieved sigh. He was almost a free man.

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Olivia tossed and turned on the uncomfortable cot. She was exhausted but not even the thought that she was surrounded by police officers on practically all sides was enough to soothe her into slumber. It had been so easy to fall asleep in that chair at the hospital. She had felt safe then. She had been with Elliot then. She couldn't help it but she always felt safer when he was around. It had been uncomfortable to fall asleep in the position that she had been in at the hospital but she had fallen asleep anyway. She had been so tired and Elliot had been right there. She rolled over onto her other side, unable to stop thinking about him. She had to leave to save him. It was the right thing to do. Wasn't it?

**A/N: The site isn't letting me upload word documents so I had to upload this in plain text and add all the formatting in again afterwards so I may have missed some Italics. Sorry in advance.**


	5. Chapter 5: Tears and Smiles

**Brokenhearted**

**Chapter 5: Tears and Smiles**

**A/N: I've been meaning to wrap this story up for a long time and now, I think I've managed to give it a sufficient ending. I hope you all enjoy it.**

Olivia awoke only two hours later to the sound of the door opening. She sprang up to see Elliot, almost doubled over, hobbling in. "Why the hell aren't you in the hospital," she snapped, accusingly.

He made his way to a cot and sat down before he answered her. "I didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye," he told her breathlessly.

She took a seat down beside him, not being able to keep the soft smile from crossing her face, but at the same time, not being able to remember a time when she was more angry at him. "You checked yourself out of the hospital within," she checked her watch "Eight hours of getting shot, just to make sure I didn't leave? What kind of idiot are you?"

He turned to face her and cupped her face in his hand "The kind of idiot who's madly in love," he admitted softly.

His simple admission robbed her of her anger. She wanted desperately to be mad at him, to give him a reason to be angry with her, but she couldn't. She found herself staring into his eyes and all she could see was love, love and fear, fear that she was going to leave. She opened her mouth and desperately searched for words. "You… idiot," she managed in a tone that was the complete opposite of angry. "How could you possibly…? What made you think…?"

He placed a finger to her lips "I had to come see you," he whispered. "You need to know that you're not alone in this. That whatever happens, I'll be there for you."

"You know," she began "You should really be in the hospital."

"Do you promise not to leave while I'm laid up?" he asked her. "Do you promise that you'll wait for me? Do you promise that you'll let me come with you?"

"Why is it so important to you that I do," she asked.

"Because, I love you," he stated plainly. "I don't want you to have to be alone if there's anything I can do to prevent it. Is it really so hard for you to accept that I love you?"

Olivia cast her eyes downward and nodded "Things have just been happening so fast," she whispered. "After what you did for me… I guess I can't doubt you but… I'm afraid that if you come with me, you'll just end up getting hurt."

Elliot chuckled "Are you planning to run away to someplace where you're gonna be getting shot at constantly?" he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her as close as he could without aggravating his wound. He leaned against her for support; he was starting to realize just how bad checking himself out of the hospital really was.

"It's not that," Olivia told him. "I'm a total screw up with relationships. And, with what happened, with Mill, I'm probably going to be more difficult to deal with. I just don't want you to end up regretting me."

Elliot used his hand beneath her chin to bring her eyes to meet his. He brought his lips to hers, gently. "I'll put up with anything as long as it means I can spend the rest of my life with you."

"Are you sure?" she asked, looking at him with barely restrained hope. She'd hoped for years, even though she knew it was wrong to, that Elliot could love her. When he nodded, she started crying. "I love you too," she whispered, kissing him again. "Now, let's get you back to the hospital."

Elliot grudgingly agreed. And with some effort on Olivia's part and a little help from Cragen, and the non productive laughter of Munch and Fin, Olivia managed to get Elliot back to the hospital where the nursing staff was up in arms over his disappearance.

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When Elliot was back in a hospital bed again and the nurses and doctors had made sure he wasn't in any immediate danger, Olivia was allowed to see him. She came and sat beside his bed. She smiled at him softly "You did a really dumb thing, sneaking out of here."

"I had more important things to do," Elliot informed her, squeezing her hand and smiling broadly. "It's not like I broke anything or busted my stitches or something."

Olivia closed her eyes and breathed deeply. He was exasperating. But, she decided, he was exasperatingly cute. She opened her eyes and looked at him. She still had her doubts that she wouldn't drive him away but she loved him and he had said that he loved her. She realized she had been staring at him for a long time without saying anything. She opened her mouth but realized that words were not necessary.

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"In light of recent events," the judge addressed the court. "I have no choice but to declare a mistrial."

Robby Wilson smiled slightly an tipped his head to the replacement prosecutor that the DA's office had sent. He turned and confidently strode out of the courtroom and right into the grasp of Munch and Fin. "Detectives," he greeted cheerfully "I know it's only a brief reprieve until the DA files the charges again but I'm grateful for the momentary victory," he stared the detectives down with overwhelmingly annoying bravado.

"Let me be the first to burst your little bubble of delusion," Munch smirked at him "You're under arrest, again." Munch's smirk became more pronounced as Fin slapped the cuffs on Wilson.

Wilson looked surprised "Why?" he asked, hoping that he hadn't been discovered.

"Criminal facilitation," Fin grunted angrily.

"We found the emails that you and Mill exchanged," Munch added "And we traced the payments that he received back to you. Mill didn't trust you as far as he could throw you. He had all the evidence we need to connect you to his crimes at his apartment." The two detectives dragged Wilson out of the courthouse and to the waiting sedan.

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Two weeks later, Elliot and Olivia stood in Casey's hospital room, staring down at their motionless friend. Both of them knew the facts: she was unresponsive and the doctors had little hope that she would wake up again. Casey's family had been called in to make the decision whether or not to keep her on life support. They had decided to disconnect her from the machines that sustained her.

Elliot and Olivia had been allowed a chance to say goodbye. Olivia was holding on to Elliot for dear life. She felt completely responsible for Casey's condition. She had been so hesitant to report the rape and Casey had been the one to suffer.

She took a wavering step towards Casey's bed and nearly collapsed. She took a deep breath and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Hey Casey," she began softly "I'm so sorry that I wasn't strong enough to stop Mill before he hurt you," she sobbed and felt Elliot's firm hand on her shoulder. She turned briefly to look at him.

"Casey wouldn't blame you for what happened to her," he told her softly "You know she wouldn't. She's your friend Liv."

She nodded slightly and turned back to Casey, tears still streaming down her face "You are one of my best friends," she continued. She smiled faintly as she remembered some of the fun they'd had together, watching bad movies and eating ice cream and shopping. She found herself unable to speak as tears overcame her fully.

Elliot pulled her to him and held her close. "It's okay," he said soothingly as his own tears fell "Let it out. I'm here." He rubbed her back in small circles with his right hand while his left hand remained securely around her waist.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his shoulders and clung to him as she cried. She was overpowered by grief and she needed him. And, she realized, he needed her just as much. Neither of them would have been able to face this moment without the other by their side.

There was a soft knock on the door "Her family's ready," the nurse said in a quiet voice as she poked her head in on the very private moment.

"We'll be out in a second," Elliot told her in a whisper. He separated from Olivia and approached Casey's bed to say his goodbye. "You were a good friend," he whispered "And one hell of a lawyer. If I wasn't already so sure you were going to heaven, I'd be secure in the knowledge that you would talk your way in," he smiled softly before turning back to Olivia and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He drew her closer and turned back to the bed "This isn't goodbye," he told Casey "It's just see ya later."

"We should go," Olivia said quietly. The two of them walked out of the room, Elliot's arm still wrapped securely around Olivia's shoulders.

Casey Novak was pronounced dead fifteen minutes later.

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The red Toyota minivan pulled up in front of the peaceful suburban house. The front door opened and three young children, followed by their father ran to greet the driver.

"Long meeting?" Elliot asked as he embraced his wife and kissed her deeply.

"Yeah," Olivia replied as she pulled away "I should have called but I couldn't get away." She smiled down at her children as they all clambered for their mother's attention.

It had been ten years since she had been attacked by Mill. She and Elliot had moved to Connecticut to escape their old lives. They had settled down and started a family. Olivia had quit being a cop all together and gone back to school to get a teaching degree. About four years ago, she had started teaching elementary school.

Elliot had stayed a cop until last year when a close call had brought up the discussion of retirement. He took his pension happily after a long late night talk with Olivia and had fallen, quite comfortably into the role of househusband.

"Mommy, Mommy!" her daughter Isabelle, the middle child at age six, said excitedly "I made a picture of us in art class!"

Olivia smiled, hugging her daughter "I can't wait to see it," she said with a smile as the family walked towards the house.

"Mommy, up…?" her youngest son, Alex, age three, asked in a whisper of a voice.

Olivia picked up the little boy and held him tight "Hi sweetie," she kissed him on the forehead.

"Come on," Elliot said to their oldest child "Let's go finish setting the table."

The boy with the red hair that neither Olivia or Elliot could figure out where it had come from nodded as he followed his father.

Olivia sat on the couch in the living room while Isabelle went to retrieve the picture she had made. Alex cuddled close to his mother "I missed you Mommy," he whispered.

"I missed you too pumpkin," she smiled down at her youngest. The faculty meeting had gone much longer that she had expected it to.

"Look Mommy!" Isabelle ran into the room, waving a large piece of paper "Look!"

Olivia took the picture from her daughter's outstretched hands and looked at it. Her daughter was a truly gifted artist. She and Elliot stood in the middle of the picture. Olivia was holding Alex and Isabelle was sitting on Elliot's shoulders. Elliot's other four children stood around them and their eight year old son stood in front of them.

"It's beautiful," Olivia smiled as she laid it on the coffee table.

"Mom," her son called from the door to the living room "It's time for dinner."

Olivia looked up at her son and smiled "I'll be righ there Casey," she told him as she got up and walked with her children into the kitchen.

The last ten years had been a whirlwind of changes but they had been changes for the better. The pain and fear she had felt when she had been attacked had all but disappeared. Elliot had been her rock, getting her through the tough times and at the beginning there were a lot of tough times. But now, she had a family and a husband who loved her. She truly felt whole again.

**THE END**


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